


Grapes

by ChingKittyCat



Category: Hoshi no Kaabii | Kirby: Right Back at Ya!, Kirby (Video Games), Kirby - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 16:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16099031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChingKittyCat/pseuds/ChingKittyCat
Summary: Haltmann would call himself more of an egg than a grape, and so would the people around him. But what if he's just being complicit to the nickname because he's hiding something?





	Grapes

   "Hellman?"

   "No. No, my name is Haltmann, sir."

   "You know what," Nightmare pointed at the pudgy man who had to float around everywhere on some dumb chair, "I was close enough. I basically got it right."

   Haltmann looked up at his employer and newly visiting war tyrant wizard 'boss' with eyes that basically just said 'hey please don't kill me'. Nightmare looked back down at him with eyes that were covered up by glasses— whether he actually had any behind there or not was up to the imagination— that said 'I will kill you if I want, you don't call the shots I'm a giant demon wizard'.

   "Yes, uh," Haltmann fiddled with his collar, looking over to Susie who just stared at Nightmare blankly then back to the man in question, "we're truly honored to have you here."

   "You should be, or else I'd kill you." Then Nightmare laughed like what he said was funny, Haltmann tried to join, but was not nearly as heartily as the man who just threatened to kill him.

   "Susie, how would you like to s-show his imperial majesty around the ARK? I'm sure he'd love to s-see how it's come along since the construction just finished a couple of months ago?"

   Haltmann sounded very baltantly uncertain and scared of himself, and Nightmare must've noticed because he licked at his chops while still not breaking eyecontact with Haltmann. Y'know. Like a weirdo.

   "You sure have a lot of fear in you, Eggman. Totally justified, of course. If I don't like this place, I could kill you, destroy it, and no one would ever bat an eye."

   Nightmare was just bluffing, Haltmann was sure, but it still terrified him anyways. He could just feel the color drain out of his already pale face as he hesitated for a period much longer than would ever be deemed professional.

   Susie, however, took up the mantle immediately.

   "Yes, I would love to show his imperial majesty around the fabulously designed ARK. I'm sure he'd love to see the portraits of himself in the halls."

  
  
  


   Haltmann stumbled into his room, exhausted. He was so exhausted, that perhaps, even parts of his mustache drooped from the lack of rest. Doing stuff was hard, and he was no superhuman. Plus, Nightmare'd visited, expressed how he was still angry over that project's end result being the wrong color (yellow instead of pink or blue) by destroying a bunch of stuff, terrorized him a little bit, then promptly left. It had been stressful to say the least, it maybe would've even been stressful had said wizard not popped in for a nice chat.

   Now, he just wanted to relax.

   Which meant Haltmann locked his bedroom door, took off his suit, shoes, took off his contacts, mustache, and wig. Then he put on his jester hat and shoes that sort of looked like bread. Then, he took out his ball from underneath his regally wide bed, kicked it so it would inflate itself, then sat himself down ontop of the ball. He let out a sigh before rolling over to his vanity, grabbing some makeup remover wipes as to completely and absolutely swathe his face in. After he was back to his more reasonable purple, he turned his attention to his hands. He opened a bedside endtable cupboard, where some other spare hands were, then hovered his own over them. Finally disabling the magic that allowed his hands to float. They flopped into the open drawer. 

   The jester rolled his way over to the middle of the room, sitting contently on the ball.

   "No one can ever know."

   Haltmann, or more accurately, Marx mumbled to himself.

  
  
  


   "..Hey, it's natural, I have that effect on people." The witch-like voice of Nightmare rung out in Haltmann's head as his eyes blurrily refocused. 

   He could see Susie right up in his face, and the cape of Nightmare behind her. Haltmann groaned, his face covered in what felt like cold sweat as he shook himself awake. Susie snapped her glove as to get his attention and wake him up faster.

   "Wakey wakey, Mr Haltmann."

   "He fainted," Nightmare giggled maliciously, "what a guy. Did you have fun sleeping near me? Y'know, I give bad dreams to people in my presence even if they've fainted."

   "Are you okay?" Susie questioned, and Haltmann searched around the room, checking that all his clothes were still on and that he wasn't ontop of a ball.

   "No," Haltmann coughed, "I don't think after what I just saw in my dreams, I am."

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> [Marx is Haltmann is a real theory, by the way.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj1GBkRqrnU)


End file.
